I'm really sorry to hear that. I wish that there were something I could do or write to make the pain and anxiety go away right now, but I don't have any tricks up my sleeve. Periodically I read stories like this yours where the anguish is just palpable, and what is amazing is that at some point down the line, they always seem to get better. Even if the pain doesn't go away completely, it fades into the background noise of their psyche or they achieve peace in some other way. I'm confident that it will happen for you as well, though it may take time.

I hear such striving in your post that I can't help but wonder if that tension is a major part of what is driving the suffering. After all, there was a reason why dr. Sarno called the condition TENSION Myositis Syndrome. You are trying SO HARD, and I wonder if that is part of the problem, but with all of that pain and anxiety, how could you not try so hard? When you write, "All I do is THINK," it sounds like your mind is racing, which sounds like more tension, and might make it impossible to start a mindfulness practice. Sometimes I wonder if giving up and accepting that you have no control over the pain might be a necessary first step that allows you to let go, so that eventually the pain just dissappears because the tension is gone. I think that the opposite of the serenity of mindfulness is struggling against something, but how do you not fight when you are coiled up like a spring with the pain?

Does any of this make sense? You might want to try taking a look at the Relapser's Curse page, as it tells the story of someone who also was in a space where all they did was think and who eventually found peace through finding equanimity. Everyone's story is different of course, but I believe that you will find peace as well.

Does anyone else have any advice?

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